semilethal | LEO - POST MOVIE

LEO - POST MOVIE

[ nobody asks where april found the van. some mild criminal activity feels irrelevant in light of the day they just had anyway, and they couldn't exactly walk all the way back to the lair.

not with leo like...this. not just leo either; raphael couldn't hardly hold his head up, hunched and clearly wearing his 'i'm the eldest and i won't complain' face as he cradles leo so carefully on their way to the van. mikey's hands and arms won't stop trembling, even when he twists them together and presses them to his plastron. donatello is sore all over and his skin and shell feel raw, like someone rubbed him down with sandpaper.

and leo's quiet. leo's too quiet.

so there they are in the cargo van, raph tucked toward the front with a leg stretched out for mikey to use as a pillow to doze upon. april and casey sit up front, throwing concerned glances over their shoulders as often as is safe while april slowly weaves the vehicle through the half-destroyed streets toward the nearest access point. splinter sits near the doors as their only other capable fighter, though he keeps his tail curled around leo's uninjured ankle.

and donatello, he's stripping off his gloves because he's going to have to touch his brother to get a better idea of his injuries, and his skin doesn't feel like his own and that'll interfere with his judgement. the fewer layers between he and his brother, the more accurate he can be. ]

Alrighty Leon. Look alive, let's...let's diagnose.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

(It is, so much better. Thanks to all of you.) [Casey looks back up in time to catch Raphael quizzically carrying a very drowsy Donatello into the room from the kitchen. "He burned through that thing like nitro fuel," Raph notes to Leo in amused disbelief, hefting Donatello up higher into his arms on his way to the bedroom when he grumbles something about revenge grmb grmml bionics.

Casey laughs quietly to himself as they disappear around the corner, but his voice is curiously thick as he continues,] (I don't even know how to say how relieved I am, but they're still...gone forever.) [His breath hitches as he reaches out and rests a hand blindly on Leo's arm, seeking comfort but trying not to hurt.] (I'm so glad you're all alive but the turtles who I grew up with, my mom, Commander April...my Sensei. I'll never see them again. They'll never even exist.)

[Everyone survived, but he's grieving all the same.]

[Leonardo is losing his mind not being able to move or do anything. His natural instinct when someone needs comfort is to hug. To drape, to sprawl across someone until he can smother whatever shitty feelings someone has dissipates. Raph's good at big hugs and emotional speeches, Leonardo's good at just being ....

Well.

Charismatic, usually. But that's debatable these days.

There's a relief in his nerves that it looks like Donatello might finally get some sleep. And he'll catch up with Raph later. But right now, Casey needs him.

(When will he get his own chance to break a little? Probably not until everyone's finally resting and he can just take himself to his own room. He'll figure out a time later. For now everyone needs him to be okay. He's starting to understand that pressure Raphael was under. Just a little, even if it's different.)]

Yeah... [Then, more sure:] Yeah. I know we're not the same thing, but. They're still with you. You've got your memories and feelings for them, so. You're not alone, Casey.

[And if nothing else? Leonardo means that.]

I know. [Casey spares Leo a small smile, strange, like he doesn't quite know how to wear one properly anymore. He doesn't know what it's like to be happy without terror still hanging over his head, and it's kind of mixing things up. He's not sure how to actually feel.] ...is it okay if I still call you Sensei?

[Wait hold on, his thoughts stop in their tracks.]

Um. Up to you?

[Honestly after everything he's a little nervous about that? But if that's what Casey's comfortable calling him, then...]

[That's definitely Master Leonardo's unsure face, so maybe Casey should try-] Um, Leo- [NOPE] No I'm sorry, I can't do it Sensei. That was weird. I can't.

[That was almost weird but man Casey didn't even last two seconds.

He's making this weird. Leonardo is actively making this weird. He manages to squirm on the Shell-cot enough to rub at his face before the strap across his shoulders dig in a little too much. Ultimately he settles for just resting his head back and making an attempt to relax (he doesn't, though. It's too much for him to relax just yet).]

It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Sorry. [Casey does at least seem genuinely regretful, fiddling with the already dog-eared page of the comic book in his lap.] I'll work on it. Maybe eventually...mm. [But, he kind of doesn't want to, anyway?]

Seriously, it's fine.

[Like they're never gonna call their dad Yoshi Hamato or Lou Jitsu, he's just... Splinter or Pops. Just the way it is, and if Casey's not into calling Leo by his name and more comfortable using Sensei then he's not about to change that.

But it seems like whatever was going on with Raph and Donnie has settled down, so he lifts his head to look back at Shelldon and then back to Casey.]

Look, uh. If it's all the same, I think thisi s gonna be the best chance I get to get some sleep before everyone's back. So. You should probably do the same while you can.

Right. Yeah, of course, I...yeah. [NOT TIRED IN THE LEAST. But as usual, Master Leonardo thinking of others and suggesting very reasonable things, no matter how much Casey doesn't want to do them and just bask in the idea of his family being whole, if not entirely hale.

Stands, carefully placing the comic back atop the stack and hesitating for a moment before carefully folding himself over Leonardo in a hug, gentle if only because he doesn't want to hurt him, and not because of unfamiliarity. Leo could probably use this, right? Sensei was always the strong one, constantly reassuring others, but he also always returned Casey's hugs with an almost desperate fervor as if he'd needed them just as badly as Casey did.] I'm glad you're going to be okay, Master. So glad. [Because he will. Master Donatello is on it; Leonardo can't be anything but.]

[Sensei who always took the time to listen. Sensei who knew that mixed or uncared for emotions could get in the way of a mission, could cost lives or the war. Sensei who always made sure everyone was taken care of first, because an unfed fighter was a hazard, a soldier running on an hour of sleep is a liability. Sensei who knew that someone distracted by their problems off the battlefield would have trouble focusing and remembering his plan details. So Sensei did what he could, and if that seemed like being in the moment caring from the outside... Well, maybe he was a little.

But Leonardo here in New York City who just wants to break down alone. Leonardo who wants to turn off the lights in his car-room for the first time in years and just let go for a little bit. And he can't do that if he has a Casey Jr. shaped shadow hanging on his every word.

The hug catches him off guard, though. It makes sense, everyone else except April had gotten one in, of course Casey would want in on that. He gives great hugs... when his arms are not literally strapped to a metal flying sentient cot. His hugs are amazing, second only to Dad and even (maybe a little ahead hoho) with Raph.

So if he sounds choked up, well. Maybe he is a little.]

Y-yeah. I am too, Casey.

[And with that, Casey leaves him to his breakdowns with a gentle squeeze and a knowing smile.
___________
Later that night, Donnie lets himself into Leo's room without so much as a knock. It's better if he's sleeping anyway; he needs his rest, and Donnie's just here to check his vitals. Even though Sheldon can do that. Remotely, and then transmit the results to Donnie's wrist computer so he doesn't even have to move from where he is.

As quietly as he can, he pulls a milk crate over to the cot and sits down next to it. He's typing softly at his wrist computer, display dimmed to the lowest setting and the usual "beep boop" sounds of data input silenced. He's probably going over Leo's vitals, maybe taking a scan or two. Or six. Maybe he's just reviewing his work, over and over, while watching his brother to make sure he keeps breathing.]

Edited 2022-10-25 03:24 (UTC)

[He did finally fall asleep. It took a bit, some actual conscious effort to let his mind stop running, and a promise to himself that he'll do all the front loading sleep now and be back on his normal (nonexistent) schedule after so he can keep watch on everyone else. It's blissfully quiet now, no one fretting over him or trying to get him to talk about it because god no.

It's fitful, though. The occasional twitching of a finger, the turn of his head in his sleep. Around test five is when the results spike up; pinned and he can't get up, he's trying to get up but he's stuck, and the wind is knocked out of him, why can't he just get up, he can't breathe because of the pressure pinning him down and he can't shout-

He jerks awake, trying to sit up and can't because Shelldon's keeping him secure - that whole 'no moving' thing quite serious really - so he's left to quickly get his bearings. His eyes shift around quickly to figure out where he is, what's happening, what he needs to do.]

[Of course Donnie was watching, wondering if he should wake Leo or let him sleep, when he startled out of the nightmare himself, panting and shivering.

He watches for a moment longer, before turning on the crate to rest his hand atop of Leo's and go back to the display on his computer, reading. They don't need to talk about it. He doesn't need to, and Leo doesn't want to.

Maybe this is what compelled him to come in here. Maybe somehow Donnie could tell (not that he prescribes to this woo woo science "twin" telepathy nonsense) that even if Leo wants to be left alone, he doesn't want to be alone.]

[His skin jolts at the touch but he turns his head to look at his brother. A sort of unspoken understanding there and Leonardo settles.

It goes like that for a while, a few nights. Sometimes it's just the Krang, sometimes it's a fully converted Krang-Raph piloting that stupid mech suit, sometimes it's all three Krang, sometimes it's his brothers. But he keeps waking himself up in the same manner, wordless and shaken.

One of those nights he's staring at the ceiling (can't hold comics, can't hold his phone, grip too tired still to hold a tablet) and laying quietly.]

How much longer, Dee?

[They're spending most nights in Leo's car now; Donnie's even taken to sleeping on Leo's bed as he needs to remain on the cot, though he did drag in his own soft blankets to make a sort of piled-up nest in which he bundles himself to read next to Leo nightly. They don't discuss the nightmares, they never do (and never will), but he can't let Leo wake up from those alone.

Mikey would dote. Raph would fret. And their father would pile the guilt onto Leo, with just having witnessed his son in pain. Don, he can accept his brother having nightmares as a matter of course, and just exist there as confirmation, readily available, that it wasn't real.]

Tomorrow morning, [Don says from within his blanket pile, snuggled up in a hoodie as he reviews for the eighth time the procedure with explanatory diagrams on his tablet.] The last tools I need will be here as soon as April brings them. Cleanroom's converted, I have everything else. We're both as prepared as we're going to get. [Glances at Leo over his tablet.] No eating or drinking from here out. You can have water when you wake up after the procedure.

Edited 2022-10-25 04:10 (UTC)

[He nods at the bit of instruction, the reminder, with eyes still fixed on the ceiling of his car.] Good. [His voice is cracked at the edges, threatening to shatter if he thinks about it a little too hard.] I'm ready to be fixed.

[Because that will do it, right? Don fixing him, physically healing will solve the rest, won't it? It has to. It's the worst any of them have ever been injured, so someone has to get the experience and be a test subject, he guesses. And as great as the pampering and waiting on was the first day, Leonardo is internally screaming to be able to do things on his own again. To make his own food, use his own phone, get his own damn cup from the cupboard.

His vision traces the lines of the car's metal seams. He's just about got every single dent and ding in the ceiling memorized now. But he keeps his voice low:] Sick of this.

[Don hums, noncommittal. Soft taps of his fingertip against the tablet as he restarts the tutorial.]

Being stationary, or being scared?

Does it matter?

No.

[Tap. Tap, tap.] Mikey would say yes. Probably.

.... Then let's say both. Yes.

[Tap tap. ...tap.

Donnie heaves a sigh before lowering the tablet to his bundled lap, staring down at it. He rubs the back of his neck (Leo), fiddles with the edge seam of his sleeve (Raph), rubs his toes together beneath the blankets (Mikey). An amalgamation of his brothers' tics, his own likely entrenched in theirs. All an equal part of each other.]

I'm not trying to make this about me, [he starts uncertainly, because that's a thing he does apparently. Not on purpose -not usually on purpose, but he doesn't know how else to impress upon his family that he gets it other than with experiential evidence. With proof.] And I don't know what it's like to do what you did, to make that decision. I couldn't. It's unfathomable.

[Buffs at a scuff on the tablet's casing with the hem of his hoodie.] I can't fix everything. But I don't want you to be afraid of tomorrow. Because I'm going to use every iota of my very considerable genius to fix what I can so flawlessly, so completely, that you will heal as quickly and painlessly as is possible. You'll be back to normal, you'll be free to walk and run and dance and whatever other urge occurs to you at the witching hours when we're supposed to be sleeping.

Everything else, [lifts tablet to gesture before lowering it back to his lap.] I don't know. Short of recreating the F.A.B. incident to keep us literally attached at the hip for the next twenty years, I don't know how to fix any of it. I just...don't want you to be afraid of anything I can control.

Thanks. I'm not afraid of that. I- I trust you.

[Honest is difficult. It is so difficult. But he's had a little too much time to reflect on himself, on what happened. What it could mean.

There is something that's been on his mind the last day or so. An inkling of an idea of a thought that's been slowly growing like mold in the back of his mind, festering and creeping into every other thought he's been able to have.]

I just... What if. What if there's something out there worse than the Krang?

We thought petty criminals were the worst, then there was Shredder. Then we thought Shredder was the worst, and then there was the Krang. What if - What if there's more.

[He swallows nervously, already a problem given how dry his mouth is.] What if I make another bad call like that? [The subway.] What if we have to make even worse choices?

Edited (FIRST LETTER GONE... NO... it would have haunted me) 2022-10-25 15:57 (UTC)

[Donnie tilts his head, frowning. He traces the edges of the tablet, the smooth corners.]

There's always going to be more. That's natural law. [Lifts a hand to show an upward trend, then flat-] Growth, plateau, decay. -[and then decline, a slope down.] Plus cause and effect. For example: the Shredder made us realize we needed to be better. We improved, we succeeded. The Kraang almost took some of us. But it didn't, so we succeeded. We improve again. [He twirls his finger to gesture around the lair, to indicate "all encompassing" for his vision.] I already have ideas on how to improve the lair security to make sure break-ins are even more difficult because of how easily they got in.

-but I know there will be. [Taps his fingers nervously along the edge of the tablet.] There will be...psychological ramifications to deal with. I know not everyone can dissect and address those concerns. For me, it helps to put things into context of natural laws that cannot be changed, because then you can just. [Swerves his hand around his leg, like a vehicle avoiding an obstacle.] -work around them.

I don't think what you're concerned about is dumb, or wrong. But they are certainties and there's no way to avoid them. The only option we have is to improve.

[Leonardo listens, his eyes watching Donnie for a moment. But by the time he finishes, Leo's eyes are fixed firmly at the ceiling again, hands gripped into tight fists at his side on the Shellcot.

A certainty that there will be something worse than the Krang at some point in their future. He hates this. He hates it with almost everything he has. And the fact that ,as long as their dad says he's the leader, he'll have to continue making decisions he hates.

He didn't ask for this.

He never wants to see his brothers taken, or hurt, or go through anything like that again. His father and April count on him now. And Casey keeps looking up to him to fill that void of whatever future-him is like. So Leo will have to... do whatever he can to make sure no one gets hurt in the future.]

Thanks, Dee.

[What else could he possibly say to that?]

[Donatello's no fool. He might be...somewhat emotionally stunted (a lot), but he knows that didn't help. Acknowledging the reality of the situation and resolving to many sleepless nights building contingency after contingency helps him, but it didn't help Leo. Leo feels worse.

A change in approach is in order. Should he try to comfort his brother the way Leo would comfort them? Would that help him?] -what's a ninja's greatest weapon?

gotta actually have game to be a hoe leo

no subject

no more bold text for me boy

ooooh shiiiiiiiiit

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject